mean mama

I used to love my job. I still like it, but something has changed. Me? School? Both? Maybe I’ll get used to it.

Being fulltime means I see 20 groups throughout the week plus 3 choruses and some meetings. This would be busy at any school, but at ours it’s a little much because our students all need special consideration and attention.

I think eventually I’ll like it better again.

Leaving the baby is hard. I love his babysitter, though. But it’s hard. Except when I’m honest with myself about the fact that staying home with him can be tedious and being home makes me feel really bad about myself. The cuddly moments are great, but what of the in between? (Remember too, I stayed home with his brothers.)

He drinks like 14-19 oz. breastmilk in the course of 8 hours. Really. I pump about 10 oz. If my frozen stash eventually runs out, then what? I don’t think I’m willing to try harder to pump more, because I am already maxed out on the trying.

Life is now about getting ready for the next day. Truly. Afternoons/evenings are like this: 1.come home play with boys help them use potty nurse baby.  2.conjer up dinner.  2.5 nurse baby  3.bath. 3.5nurse baby   4.read to boys.  5.put boys to bed.  5.5 nurse baby 6.clean up.  7.drink wine 8.eat something if I didn’t eat with boys. 9. cuddle/play with baby  10.do dishes  11.pack lunches for boys  12.write in boys’ communication notebooks, pack pull-ups, etc. 13.get myself ready for next day.  14.sweep floor.

And that’s with P helping completely.

But. There are weekends. And tonight is Halloween. It will get better, I just know it.