mean mama

blue in green
February 14, 2008, 3:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Musical reference anyone?

I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been really busy, and when I’m done being busy I’m just really tired. I am every woman these days: mom to twin two-year-olds, partner to my husband, teacher trying to do my job well, and expectant mama. People often ask me how I’m doing it all. My answer up to now has been that I’m just doing it and that I don’t think about it much. That has been pretty much true, but when the second round of stomach flu hit us on Saturday, my can-do attitude began to deteriorate.

This is not the kinder, gentler stomach flu that the boys first had in late January. That was a 24-hour vomit thingy that was pretty inconsequential. This is a four-day muscle ache, fever, unrelenting diarrhea version. First it hit M on Saturday morning, who only returned to daycare on Wednesday. Then it hit my husband on Monday, who attempted to go back to work yesterday but is back home today. And last night it started for J. I had to take off of work today to take care of the lot of them. Do you know how much I hate taking off of work? It’s especially bad on a Thursday, because I teach 5 out of the 7 periods of the day, and the kids are pretty difficult for a sub to handle. Most of all, it’s bad because I have now used up the few sick days that my 3-day/week status affords me, and now I’ll be docked if I need to be off beyond this.

At least I’m still standing, but for how long? How many disgusting diapers can I change before I fall prey to this? It seems that almost every family at our daycare, as well as the workers, have contracted it. Well, at least mid-winter break is almost here. It would really suck to be sick, but I wouldn’t have to miss work.

Dear lord, I long for a break from the domestic grind right now. I want to drop the kids off for a weekend at my parents and run away. This would be a possibility if the stomach flu was not looming large right over my head.

I have also been stressed about living with a new baby in our small rental apartment. I am envious of those who can afford a house here in beautiful Brooklyn. (In our neighborhood and the surrounding ones, a house goes for over a million.) We could consider buying an apartment, but they are very expensive too, and I don’t really want to buy a crappy little apartment in place of renting a crappy little apartment. I keep telling myself that we are fortunate to have shelter, to be together, to be happy. All true, but I still find myself anxious.

There are many factors that must be considered in order to feel good about buying: where we want to be in a few years, possible career change (not for me), grad school (for me). I don’t really care about having nice things as much as I care about feeling settled. My envy is less about friends’ big houses and more about friends’ wealthy parents or relatives. It seems that everyone around here makes those big house purchases with the help of family. With that kind of safety net, possibilities open up. Our possibilities are different and require us to leave NYC basically. I don’t mind this so much, but I also can’t rush out of here because of the decisions that need to be made first. So where do we live in the meantime? I guess in our crappy little rented apartment.

I think I’m really feeling a certain kind of nesting thing that I didn’t feel with the first pregnancy, and that feeling is magnifying the stress of this dilemma.

Despite all of this, the feelings I feel are not really ones of depression.  They are more of anxiety over the uncertainties that I face, not the least of which is whether I’ll have a full-term pregnancy this time. I have now had two shots of progesterone, which I will continue until the 36th week or so, God-willing.

I must admit, I miss drinking.


3 Comments so far
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I wish I got the musical reference, but I don’t think I do.

If you wish I would be happy to talk to you about local real estate. We were able to buy our crappy little apartment with a teensy bit of family help (clearly not the sort of help that is required to buy houses in this area; oh the very thought. sigh. I have that envy too believe me, especially since my family used to live here; my parents *owned* one of those 1 million plus houses. ugh).

There are financial reasons it is worth owning a crappy little apartment instead of renting one. Part of the idea is that in theory, you can parlay it into a crappy slightly bigger apartment in a few years. If you really are thinking of leaving the area (sniff sniff) you can probably parlay into a frickin mansion.

Anyway as I said I’d be happy to chat about it. I love to talk real estate that actually fits my price range. (All the realtors said “You’ll never find anything,” if that gives you any idea. But we did.)

Comment by Lo

While hating the whole notion of lurking-delurking, here I am admitting to it.

This is a quick note to let you know that I truly enjoy your writing. You seem to be able to put things in a lovely, mildly depressed, yet veritable perspective. You strike me as one of the few New Yorkers in blogland that I can identify with, without comromising the sense of style, provenance and lack of proverbial rich parents to foot the bill.

(Un)Real estate talk. After renting a lovely 1 bedroom apartment on the UWS for … gosh 8 years, we bought a 1 bedroom appt. In Inwood. It’s damn maddening and bloody complex. I hate the neighborhood, yet, I keep reminding myself that I’m just damn pretentious. Snobbish, if you will.

In an effort to keep this short, I would advise to hold off. Trading one unsatisfactory option for another less than satisfying one does not produce sudden miracles. Again, we are much older than you (41 and counting) and have a child who attends a boarding school in Boston – hence no consideration of school districts, etc. Your situation is way more complicated but is similar in the refusal to give in.

Happy vd. (no, not that v.)


Comment by Tsena

Sorry you’ve had so much on your plate lately. A second round of flu is horrific.

And the real estate situation is just plain hard.

Comment by Co

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