mean mama

Here is what happened.
March 22, 2008, 1:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I got up at midnight on Monday to pee. The bed wasn’t wet, nor did any fluid come out on the way to the bathroom. But when I sat down on the toilet, thin liquid just started leaking out of me before I’d had the chance to release my bladder. Despite the fact that my water never spontaneously broke with my twins, I knew that’s what it was. I told P, somewhat panic-stricken yet strangely, functionally calm, what was happening.  He called the doctor, I tried to get a hold of some friends to come be with the boys. My first friend with whom I’d already discussed an emergency plan did not answer. I tried another friend, also no answer. Then my first friend called me back and said she was on her way.  We called a cab and left our door open, woke up our landlord and asked him to meet my friend when she got there, and off we went.  I thought I’d be going right into labor, I guess.  I don’t remember.  I was pretty shocked, of course.  For some pathetic reason, I kept apologizing to P, who kept telling me not to.  At the hospital, I was told they would try to keep me pregnant as long as possible but couldn’t predict when I would go into labor or when they might have to take the baby should they discover a problem.  I was told what our plan would be over the next few days: monitoring, antibiotics, 1 check with a sterile speculum (no touching!), ultrasounds with fluid checks. Then we would see.  There were a few hours when they doubted my water broke because I wasn’t showing a lot of leakage at the time.  I knew they’d be ill-founded in their doubt, and they were, as tests confirmed.  (I think I threw my doctors for a loop since I’d just been in on Friday and had a nice, long 4.4 cervical measurement, plus a negative fFN to boot.)I stayed on the labor/delivery floor until Thursday, at which point I was declared at least temporarily stable and moved up to the ante-partem wing, where freaks like me hang out.  Here, I get fluid checks/NSTs ever 4 days.  I am still on antibiotics, but that will stop for a while soon.  The baby’s heartbeat is monitored every 6-12 hours depending on how the last tracing was.  I am always asked if I am “leaking,” which is just delightful.  I think the leaking is the hardest part.  I already went through the trauma of having my water break so early and unexpectedly, and then it keeps leaking every so often, kind of repeating that horrible moment.  Amniotic fluid is just baby pee, and when the baby pee comes into contact with the hole, then fluid escapes.  It seems to be happening about every 24-36 hours for me, but sometimes it can be a lot, and it’s scary.  I’ve been told by all of my wonderful doctors (and I do mean wonderful- the high-risk team is just great) that leaking is normal in this circumstance and is going to keep happening because there’s a hole, but that unless the baby really has no fluid, it will probably be okay (fetal heart monitoring is what helps to make sure the baby is well in between the fluid checks).  So it’s really a waiting game. I am instructed to think about being here for a long time, but on the other hand to understand that things may happen quickly if something seems wrong.  In any case, we’ve had our steroids for the baby’s lungs, and we will be at 27 weeks at the end of today.  And the baby is measuring big.  All of that is better than where we were when we came in on Monday at 1AM.  And I’m in a top-notch NYC hospital with a top-notch NICU that I know and trust.  There’s got to be something promising in all of that, right?  My main problem right now is just bouts of anxiety that come on usually in the morning.  And then I get nervous that getting so nervous is going give the baby the message to exit.  So that makes me ever more nervous.  Thanks for the messages and the hand-holding.  Your comments make me feel better, and I have so much support from friends, family, and my school community that I can’t even believe it.  So thanks.  Every day counts for the baby, and every kind word counts for me. PS- why has wordpress lost the ability to show my paragraphs? 


4 Comments so far
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Well, we are thinking of you for sure, and I can’t believe what a superhero you are to be so measured through all of this.

Please, PLEASE don’t hesitate to email or call (email for our phone # if you wish) if you, P, boys need anything. We’re a hop skip and a jump from your home as well as l’hospital.

Comment by Lo

continued “I believe” and “stay cozy in there kid” vibes heading your way.

Comment by shelli

you and the littlest one and hubby and the boys are all in my thoughts often thruout the day. and especially in my prayers. if being thought of so much keeps the littlest one snugly inside for as long as possible, then we gotcha covered!

thank you for sharing your experience, for all us IVP aunties and friends who are wishing you well!

Comment by gypsygrrl

Visiting here from Unwellness….I took a minute to read your post about why you’re a mean mama and it made me feel better 🙂 someday you’ll be a mean mama to three.

Trust that all is well. I can feel it.


Comment by Julie

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