mean mama

March 24, 2008, 4:29 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s been a week in the hospital now.  I’m getting used to things and hope they don’t change anytime soon.We had our bi-weekly ultrasound today to check fluid levels and the general health of the baby.  The baby looks fine.  The fluid is still low but hasn’t changed, really, since last Thursday despite my periodic gushes.  We even saw the baby drinking its fluid, which I admit was very cute even though it’s really drinking its own pee.  No signs of labor yet – thumbs up on that one.  Chances for survival according the the stat sheet we received from the NICU went up quite a bit at the 27 week mark.  28 would be great.  My next goal is Thursday, our next ultrasound. Hopefully nothing will come up in between.It is still stressful, of course.  Every time they monitor the baby’s heartbeat, we hope it will be okay. There are times when it drops really low but comes back within under a minute.  Those are scary moments.  It’s okay as long as it comes back up within a couple of minutes, though.  If not, I’d likely be promptly knocked out and given a c-section.  I have been under general anesthesia before and know what it is, but somehow I still keep picturing a nurse hitting me over the head with a cast-iron frying pan, stars circling my head like in an old cartoon. I am on a low dose of klon.opin, an anti-anxiety drug, when I request it.  I don’t feel much different, just a little drowsier and slightly less edgy.  But really, I can barely tell the difference.  It seems to help just a little while still allowing me to be alert, and I like that.I can’t say that I’m jumping for joy about our situation, but I am finding it a bit more manageable and am a bit more confident that things will work out. Yesterday I was able to think about names without too much anxiety.  I want this baby to have a strong name, and that is changing my previous name list.  I am thinking of people in history or people I’ve known in my life who have endured.  I am as ready as I can be to have a long NICU stay.  Much readier than the last time around. Even though this situation is worse, I feel a little more level-headed this time around.  I try to keep in mind that when we attended the NICU reunion  here, that many of the babies we met who were born at 28 weeks and had a long stay actually had many less problems once out of the hospital than my J, a 34-weeker.  So you never know.  And I don’t mind as much this time that the NICU is kind of far away from our home.  I can picture myself coming and going and feeling a bit more stable about it than before.  The bottom line is that I know this NICU, and there is no NICU in Brooklyn that I would trust like I do this one.  This is a high-risk hospital, and it feels good to be here under this circumstance.Another improvement this time around: they don’t keep giving me a kosher meal.  This hospital has a Jewish affiliation, and our last name sounds Jewish even though we’re not. Last time, when I was in for complications with our twins pregnancy, they kept bringing me a kosher meal, no matter how many times I said I did not need or want one.  And sorry if you disagree, but those kosher meals are not very good at all, here at least.Anyway.  That’s all I have to say for now, as I wait and try not to wonder and watch lots of trashy TV.    


7 Comments so far
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I found your blog through another I read and just wanted you to know that others are sending good thoughts your way.

Comment by Debbie

I love what you say about names. that’s powerful.

Wishing you guys all the best.

Comment by Lo

Thinking about you every day. Your strong name comment reminded me of the book Where the Heart Is. The protagonist wanted her baby to have a strong name, so she named her Americus. I certainly am not suggesting Americus, but I love the idea. :o)

Comment by hd

thinking of you…
is there anything you want or need, like funny cards or magazines or puzzle books or realyl anything?

sending you a lot of love and prayers!

Comment by gypsygrrl

Dear sweet lord…look what happens when I take a long weekend trip away from the internets 🙂

I’m so very sorry I didn’t read your recent news until your comment in my email earlier today (and thank you for the kind wishes BTW).

I’m sending lots of love and good thoughts your way for several more boring weeks of hospital stay, with a healthy baby happily tucked inside, drinking it’s own pee, and with minimal leakage.

Glad to hear that you’re in good hands but sorry to hear why you’re in those good hands. Please know that lots of us are out here, sending you love.

Again–I wish I lived closer so I could help out physically too!

Comment by Dee

Oh, and P.S., yes, I do agree that a strong name is in order 🙂

Do you need any books or anything? I’ve got many I can send your way at the drop of a package…vapid chick lit stuff, some current fiction, all rather light. It yours if you want it, just say the word…honest. It’s the very least I can do from afar to help you pass the time…

pass time, pass.

Comment by Dee

Whenever I think of you, I think of that afternoon in Prospect Park. I was going batty trying to keep P’ito from being run over by a kamikaze cyclist, and everyone was (in my biased recollection) too busy cooing over new babies and pregnant bellies to help me corral my manic man.

Except you.

I am hoping that the cosmic karma boomerang from that good deed now comes back to roost ten-fold and that little Val ( hangs in there for a good long while.

Comment by artsweet

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