mean mama

March 28, 2008, 4:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Yesterday the hospital’s wifi was down, hence no post.I had a fluid ultrasound yesterday as well as a non-stress test.  The fluid is the same as is has been – low but okay- so we were pleased.  The baby looks great.  On Monday, I’ll have a growth ultrasound.  Last time s/he was measured, the baby measured in the 95th percentile.  My husband and his sibs were all in the 95th range, so that makes sense.  According to my doctors, the baby’s growth should steadily continue despite the circumstances.  I am glad to almost be at my 28 week goal. I’ll get a second round of steroid shots on Sunday, for the baby’s lungs.  Yesterday I had a bad day. I just began to miss the boys so intensely that I couldn’t see how I could go on like this.  I had a few good cries and got some nice hugs from nurses and my husband, and I vented to several friends. Today I really do feel better.  The boys can visit, but we’ve been afraid to have them do so because I am rather fragile physically right now.  (I have been the recipient of many little pointy, accidental elbow jabs to my pregnant belly, and I can’t risk that happening now.) But we will probably be finding a way for them to visit this weekend.  I do talk to them every night on the phone and sing with them. My parents and P’s parents have been great.  They have been taking turns staying with the boys.  P sleeps at the hospital with me.  This makes sense because a)they boys go to bed at 7:30 on the dot, so by the time P gets home there is little time with them anyway and b)P is afraid I’ll go into labor or be taken for an emergency c-sec, and he’ll be in Brooklyn when it happens.  He goes to see the boys at times when they are not in daycare.  They are actually doing beautifully. They love to go to daycare, so that really helps keep them in a safe, normal, and fun routine.  And they like their grandparents too, who cook them yummy meals and bring them new toys.  And then the aunts and uncles visit sometimes too, and that is when the fun really begins.  So even though I am sure this experience has left them unsettled in some ways, I also think it has been good for them in other ways.  I am the one who is desperate to see them.  It will seem like a dream when I am home with them again, being their mama.  And really, being their mama is so big a part of what gets me through all of this.  When the baby does come and is in the NICU, I will have two other little ones to go home to. When the boys were in the NICU, there was nothing but a silent, empty apartment to go home to.  That was excrutiatingly hard. All in all, I am feeling proud about approaching 28 weeks, but I seem to have a renewed fear about what 28 weeks will really be like.  I was looking on the internet for happy stories of 28 weekers, and I was mostly finding scary ones instead… stories of kids with serious disabilities and handicaps.  I got scared.  Today, I am back to looking at the hand-out the hospital gave me listing statistics of survival and disability at 23-28 weeks respectively.  It is amazing, statistically speaking, what a better shot we have now than when we were first admitted.  And I guess that’s what I need to focus on.


2 Comments so far
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If you want a happy 28 weeker story, check out Her son was born at 28w?d (among other issues, she had a unicornuate and small uterus) and is a happy, healthy, smart 2.5 y.o. today with NO developmental or other complications. It was a long road to get out of the NICU as you anticipate but he’s fabulous.

Cait taught a micropreemie (we can’t remember gestation but she was less than 2 lbs) who was/is still tiny at 4,5, and 6 years, but adorable and brilliant. She had minor speech issues but has overcome them entirely.

Playgroup friends of ours had twins at 25w2d in early March and they are doing PHENOMENALLY well. They are still and will be in the NICU for months but are astounding the docs & nurses with their feistiness and off the charts success for 25 weekers.

And of course, Charlie (as in alittlepregnant) is one of the most famous preemies on the ‘net and he, too, is fabulous. He was nearly 30w, and I know that’s a HUGE difference from 28 – but he had no steroid shots and his NICU stay was pretty rough.

All this to say, lots of love and strength and hope to you and your 27w5d babe who is STILL INSIDE, and that’s fantastic.

I can’t even imagine how hard it must be not to have the boys. I hope you have a great visit with them.

Comment by Jen (yup, another one)

i’m sorry that being away from your boys is so hard. i’m also so glad that your hospitalization has been as long as it has, and i’m hoping for as much more hospital and baby growth time for you as possible. hang in there. and ditto Jen, i hope your visit with your boys is wonderful.

Comment by sn

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