mean mama

April 4, 2008, 7:29 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The doctors decided to check my fluid every other day now, since it was a little low yesterday. So tomorrow I will have another check. I’m not at this point too worried about it, because the baby is still moving well and looking good on the heart monitor.

Today I threw up upon finishing my lunch. I was afraid it might be a stomach bug, but now I just think it was a prenatal vitamin on too little food plus too much activity (I undertook the strenuous task of showering – who knew it could be so taxing?). I am sure if I vomit again, I’ll go on an IV and down to labor and delivery, but it’s now been 3 hours, and I’ve drunk a lot of water and eaten a few different foods.

The excitement just never stops.

I am feeling good about getting close to 29 weeks but seem to be repeating my pattern of feeling apprehensive even as I reach a milestone. You see, I make the mistake of looking up “preemie stories” to become inspired by good outcomes of, in this case, 29 weekers. But the truth is that there are such varied outcomes. Some babies do great and others struggle. I look back on coming to the hospital at 26wbarely1d, and I am amazed that I’m still here. But I also think about the reality of our current situation, and it does scare me. It saddens me a little too. Most of the time I make the decision not to dwell in a self-pitying kind of place, but it creeps in when I see an ad on TV of a full-term pregnant woman making that frantic/exciting call to her partner that “it’s time, honey!” That will never be me.

But then I think about the fact that I’ve been fortunate to be pregnant two times now and to have two healthy little boys at home, and to be beating my own odds every day… and to some degree I get over it. I do believe in feeling your feelings, but I really don’t care for the whole “poor me” thing, you know?


2 Comments so far
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I love you tons and am thinking about you all the time. xoxo.

Comment by Jenya

Just found you from the Lost and Found- I was admitted to the hospital at 25 weeks and stayed on my back until 34 weeks. I lasted THAT long when they thought I wouldn’t make it through the night. I FINALLY came home on bedrest at 34 weeks adn delivered my son at 35.4 weeks- it was a loooooooooong and scary pregnancy and I spent it on my back but it was so worth it and YOU CAN DO IT SO DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED! Do not let the preemie stories scare you- you very well may make it to term or far enough along that your baby will need very little NICU intervention. And if he/she does- so what- NICU’s are amazing places and don’t let them scare you. They finish the pregnancy for you so be optimistic and positive that you have come this far! Job well done and you will have a successful remainder of the pregnancy with a positive attitude! Sending hugs 🙂

Comment by Neenie

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