mean mama

coffee and a chat
June 9, 2008, 1:09 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It would be so great if I could have all of you over for coffee. -Everyone who has followed along with me through this crazy series of events, commenters and lurkers alike (and if you are a lurker, please feel free to say hello if you like). I would even bake scones to go with the coffee, if it weren’t 100 degrees out today.

Before I blather on, a photo:

I think he likes it here.

It’s great to have MBB home on many different levels. The most basic is the relief of finally being physically close to my baby 24/7. After that comes not having to commute back and forth to the hospital an hour+ each way. Much more restful. Having my family together as one cohesive unit is another joy. And then beginning to process all that has happened is important too.

The first few days following MBB’s arrival, I felt spacey and distant and knocked out, and at the same time I had a lot of nervous energy. It felt similar to when I pulled all-nighters in college to study for an exam or finish a paper, and then had to function the next day: totally depleted down to my very cells and yet a little, uncomfortably euphoric from the adrenaline that was keeping me functional. I guess the events that led up to MBB being discharged are much like staying up all night to study for a crucial exam; you make yourself keep going, more coffee, newer and more desperate searches for motivation, and then the next day, within a few short hours, the exam is over, yet the nerves and the anticipation and exhaustion linger on.

The thing about going through this a second time, however, is that all of those feelings are familiar. And because I have dealt with them before, I have strategies to deal with them now. The first time I had babies, the fogginess born of the fear lasted for so long. Just when I would be coming out of it, something new and scary would happen with J, and I would once again be in a place of fear and numbness. It took me well over a year to figure out how to cope for good – how to get over and stay over the hurdles. So now when I am feeling foggy because of the fear and shock of it all, I know some things that would help me: going for a walk, chatting with a friend on the phone, making plans to have dinner with someone, cleaning a room in my house, cooking an interesting meal, organizing a bookshelf, singing a song, buying some new music,… and I feel better. It is so interesting to me that I could feel the exact same feelings I felt with the boys, feelings I’d forgotten about. Exactly the same, but this time I know how to help myself.

While the headline may be MBB’s homecoming, the focus remains mostly on the other two boys who live here. In reality, MBB does not require much interaction. He wakes up to eat every 2-4 hours and is occasionally fussy. That’s it so far. Preemies are sleepy creatures, which must be some karmic way of giving us preemie parents, who have had to deal with enough crap, a friggin’ break already. Like other babies, preemies do eventually get the message that they are supposed to be fussy. I remember my boys’ sleeping patterns got worse instead of better after about 3 months of life. But for now,  MBB mostly chillaxes, but the boys on the other hand are running at full speed. This combination works out because we can give them what they need, and they can get used to MBB while he is a more docile and less offensive creature. They have been very nice to him so far, singing to him and wanting to help with his diapers and baby gear. When he is crying they grow concerned but are quickly getting used to ignoring him. I’m sure this will be a skill they will perfect as the years unfold – ignoring their little brother.

The five of us got some practice at being a unit this weekend. We went out not once, but twice to parks. The boys enjoyed the playgrounds. In NYC, many of the playgrounds have elaborate sprinklers for the children during the hot summer. The boys get so excited, running in and out of the water and watching what the other kids are doing. I loved walking down the street, P pushing the boys in their double stroller and me pushing the baby in his carriage. My brood.

There have been a few moments of internal panic, like when I was feeding the baby and M was in full-blown whining about needing help with his shoe and J was over in a corner getting into something he wasn’t supposed to be touching. But in those moments I have reminded myself of 2 things: 1)As a mother of twins, I have dealt with many more ridiculous, awkward, maddening, virtually impossible situations than I can count and have lived to tell the tale, and 2)if I can find the humor and joy in most things, I will be okay and so will my kids.

I pray each day that MBB’s homecoming remains calm and uneventful. There is still baggage, but so far it is not as heavy this time around. I want to write more about the birth and about our time as parents-in-waiting (the NICU days) and about postpartum periods and gray hairs (my hair doesn’t fall out, but I get a lot of grays). And, of course, I will want to write about the difference between caring for a singleton and twins as I continue on. Now that I am home, there will be time for those things. What a freaking luxury.


13 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Delurking to tell you congratulations! Hei s quite a cutie.

Comment by Debbie

Hooray. May you have a wonderful summer with your brood!

Comment by Jen (yup, another one)

I’m so happy your family is “whole” again! I’m sure the boys are going to be great big brothers.

Comment by BA

OMG he is an absolute doll- he is gorgeous!!! I am so happy for you- that feeling of finally being a family again must be priceless and you are so blessed 🙂
You’re in NYC? I”m not far from there…live in Westchester- enjoying the 700 degree heat?

Comment by Neenie

Here’s to luxury in all its myriad forms 🙂

Can’t wait to hear more, but hooray for your brood. How incredibly moving that experience must have been…life’s little pleasures and moments in time that lead to lifelong memories. May you continue to be blessed with many of both.

Comment by Dee

What a cutie he is! and yeah for having the whole family together! I hope the rest of the summer is filled with fun walks to the park with your 3 boys!

And I’m glad it’s easier the second time around, and you know can figure out what you need and ask for it!

Comment by JB

no need to bake scones… we will just eat his yummy squishy cheeks! it sounds like things are going well and i hope it isnt bad that i chuckled a little (being a non-mom) about you feeding MBB and each twin needing something/getting into things…

i like the new look of the header 🙂

and never underestimate a crazy gypsy to hop a train and come visit :P~~~

Comment by gypsygrrl

My gawd, the cuteness is too much.
Your post described everything I felt after my daughter was born at 32 weeks. I thought I was just sorta crazy. Also, my daughter slept constantly til she was about 3 1/2 months. I even asked the NICU clinic if she should be sleeping that much. Enjoy the quiet months …

Comment by kari

you are awesome and he is soooo friggin’ adorable…a big congrats to you guys and big hugs!

Comment by Dolores

He is so handsome – just like his brothers! So glad he is home.

Comment by Martha

That is the sweetest picture. What a beautiful baby! Glad to hear you guys are doing well.

Comment by melissa

Glad you can now enjoy your time with your whole family more.

Comment by Co

Didn’t know where to post this – I read your about page . I have IVF twin boys and they appear to late talking too -23months now .Born 1 month early but no major problems.
here from NCLM – I like your blog I will check it out a bit more.I love blog honesty about parenting twins.

Comment by Trish

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