mean mama

life goes on
June 16, 2008, 3:07 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

3 kids is more than 2 kids.

That said, things have been pretty good so far. It is not so hard to go from 2 to 3 when you had twins the first time. For one, you are used to your kids not getting as much attention from you as would be ideal, since they are always having to share it. Therefore, when I have 3 things going on at once and cannot pick up the crying baby RIGHT AWAY!, I don’t feel so bad because it’s par for the course. And likewise, when one of the older boys wants something and I am feeding the baby, I don’t feel so bad telling him he has to wait until I’m done. Everyone seems to be dealing with all of the Waiting pretty well.

The key for me, as far as not going crazy is concered, lies in relaxation. If I can relax in the midst of a chaotic moment, let myself go limp and just ride it out, remaining as calm as I can muster, then I have a better chance of keeping a positive outlook. If, on the other hand, I let the chaos get under my skin and become super-tense, I begin to drown. All in all, I think a more relaxed parent is probably a better one, and I am feeling pretty good about my mothering of late.

The boys are attending thier daycare 3 1/2 days per week, and this helps me care for the new baby while making sure the boys are having fun and staying in a routine. Also, it creates time for me with the each of the boys alone: Starting last week, there are now 2 days of the week when one of them attends daycare for a half-day and the other stays with me for the whole day. This allows me to have one on one time with each boy one full morning per week (the baby is with us but stays in his Er.go, mostly quiet). I have really never had one on one time with each boy on a regular basis, so this is wonderful. Last week alone I took them each to the park and out for breakfast, separately. As the baby becomes stronger, we’ll take longer trips, to the beach and the aquarium and zoo and gardens (all within 20-30 minutes by foot or subway). Summer is great for kids in the City.

My paychecks should resume this week, thank God. I did get a disability check, which was helpful with the daycare bill, but it does not add up to my regular salary by any means. I hate to say it, but that tax rebate from George W. really came along at the right time. There. That is the only nice thing I have ever or will ever say about him.

The focus, aside from the baby coming home, has been getting J evaluated for City-funded therapy services for next year. So far he has qualified for speech, occupational and physical. What else is there, you say? Tonight he has his psychological evaluation. I am relatively certain that I have a handle on what is going on with him. He is very much like many of the kids I teach. Cognitively, the kid is all there. He is quite smart, and he is friendly and imaginative. But his processing is a weak point for him. I think eventually he will be diagnosed with Sensor.y Processin.g Disorder (unofficially, of course, since this is not yet an official diagnosis as far as the BOE and other institutions are concerned) and possibly ADD. I am hoping that J will qualify for a full time integrated pre-school program so that he can get the help he needs all day every day rather than a few times per week in therapy sessions. It’s just not enough for your typical ADD-type of kid.

His focus is just not there. You might not know it right away… like if you came over to babysit him, you might not think there was anything remarkably amiss. But if you were with him a few times, you’d see his spaciness and how it affects him. For example, he can’t play with a toy for long because he hears a noise or sees something interesting and is on to that. If you ask him a question and he is focusing on you, he’ll answer it perfectly and charmingly. If he is spacing out, however, and you ask him, “What color is this shirt,” for example, he’ll say the wrong color or “pants” or something. See, it’s not that he doesn’t know what color the shirt is, but because he’s lost his focus, he’ll give you any answer in the general realm of the conversation. Hopefully he’ll show enough of his true colors tonight in order to qualify for a program (fail, sweetie, fail!).

So yes, we are busy, busy people. Even so, I plan to find time for a drink with my friend this week. Even a mother of 3 needs some time to herself, after all.

I will leave you with a picture: J and MBB sending secret bigbrother-babybrother messages to one another.


8 Comments so far
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Sounds like you’re being “awesome mama” and not “mean mama.” That was good advice about the stress and how not to let it get to you. I’m going to try that next time I think I’m going to lose it. Keep up the good work!

Comment by BA

Very sweet picture!

Comment by Valerie

I continue to be in awe of you. It’s all zen & the art of being the mother to three boys over here!
adorable photo too.

Comment by Calliope

That photo is amazing. And so are you.

Comment by Lo

that picture is just priceless…glad u are doing such a good job of trying to hold on to some calm…it cannot be easy!

Comment by Dolores

I love the photo! It’s so sweet. And I’m glad to hear that things are going so well!

Comment by JB

That photo and your caption are great. You really are a remarkable mama.

Comment by Co

it sounds like you are integrating your being a mom-of-three-boys well into your life. very cool that you are able to not obsess over not being able to get to “someone” right away if you are tending to another little someone…

i heart that photo.
the caption is brilliant.. 🙂

Comment by gypsygrrl

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