mean mama


uncertainty
October 1, 2008, 6:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Monday will be the first day with our new babysitter. The following Monday I will go back to work full time, and am in total denial because I don’t want to imagine how hard it might be to leave my baby. I’d rather deal with it when it comes. Other news: The baby has had thrush for months but thank God neither of us have had any consequential symptoms. But geez, will it never go away? My twins are displaying some strange behaviors that I suspect are due to them being separated at school (although there have been no obvious pleas to reunite), and as a result I’m feeling like a terrible mother who is surely scarring them FOREVER. Oh, and I am now on my second real cycle and am already having bad cramps. A word to the wise: if cramps are wreaking havoc on your innards, eating a lot of vegetables in not helpful.

Life is still lovely, but my stomach does churn on a regular basis (and not just because of cramps+vegetables). We just have to get through all of these adjustments, right? I’m not asking too much of my kids or my family as a whole, am I? Going back to work is a decision I based on the fall-out of J’s needs that forced us to pay for M’s school and the baby’s sitter, but should have I just stayed home with M and the baby while J went to school?  Is J too little to be in school that much? What else could have I done?  I like my job and have never thought I was selfish, but sometimes I am not sure. That’s just the problem. Most of these things are things I will never, ever be sure of. It’s unsettling.

And now, back to my regularly scheduled programming: Denial.

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1 Comment so far
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Uncertainty is the name of the game when it comes to being a parent I think…try not to stress about it too much and just keep doing what you’ve been doing. You seem like a wonderful and loving mom and partner and that will surely win out over all the other stuff and uncertainty!

Comment by Dolores




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