I’m back, for the summer at least.

July 13, 2009, 1:54 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hello to anyone who is still out there and stumbles upon me. I hope you’ve been well during my blogging hiatus.

It’s summer, and I am off from teaching, which makes the impossible- keeping up my blog while working full time and momming three very young children- a possibility. And unlike with my previous blogs, I did not stop writing because I was found out by someone or because I got tired of hearing my own voice. I just didn’t have any time at all. So you know, everyone here is doing pretty well. MeanBabyBoy is awesome. His only issue so far has been torticollis. He receives therapy for it, and it’s minor compared to some of the things we dealt with in J’s first year. MeanBabyBoy continues to be a miracle in our view.

But back to the state of my blog. Coming back to blogging requires me ask a question of myself: I am still a mean mama? Should I change blogs if I am not? The answer is that yes, I am still a mama, and, I think, yes, still kind of mean. But the meaning of mean might hold some different significance from before. Initially, it was more about my grouchiness and old-school parenting styles (compared to the average Park Sloper mom, that is). Now, I think maybe it’s more about a toughness that has come out of all the experiences I’ve had in my 4 years of motherhood/(f-ed up)pregnancies. As in, “That is one mean mama.” And okay, some degree of grouchiness still remains, especially in the morning. Somehow, even after 3 1/2 years, I am still not good at dealing with anyone at 6AM, much less my twins, or as I like to sometimes call them, “The I Want”s.

I guess it’s also no coincidence that I am starting this blog back up on a day that is tough for my in-laws, and especially my in-law’s in-laws. A baby was born into the family at 25 weeks, due to PPROM in part. He is in the NICU, and of course it’s a tough situation. I am chilled to the bone that this has happened and affected my extended family once again. I believe in God. I don’t believe there is a guiding hand, however. And because I don’t believe in a guiding hand, I don’t believe in asking, “Why?” I’ve said this before many times in my blog: things, terrible things, wonderful things, all kinds of things, just happen. Even so, it keeps repeating in my head today, over and over and over: Why?